The Hidden Mental Load of Food Allergy Parenting
A friend of mine is heading to Italy for three weeks with her three kids and husband. There’s definitely a lot of planning involved. But as I listened to her excitement, I couldn’t help but notice what wasn’t on her radar: food.
No allergy-safe snacks to pack.
No researching restaurants in advance.
No wondering if translation cards will cover every ingredient.
No mental overload over where and how her kids will eat safely.
When you have a child with food allergies, your version of “getting ready” looks very different.
How Every Event Becomes a Food Allergy Planning Mission
For us, every invitation, whether it’s across the ocean or across the street, kicks off a careful process. Take my daughter’s upcoming boat trip. It’s a dinner cruise, and when we heard about it my brain instantly switched into logistics mode.
What will she eat?
Will it be safe?
How will we get her meal to her before she boards?
How do we keep it the right temperature?
There’s always a little stress at first, but then the usual planning dance that comes with every event involving food begins.
Even simple childhood milestones like sleepovers come with a checklist:
What’s on the menu? Are the parents allergy-aware? Should I send a breakfast? A snack bag? All of the above?
It would be easier to say no.
But we don’t.
Why We Never Say No Because of Food Allergies
We might modify, prep, plan, and pack, but our daughter and son are always included.
Because their allergies might shape the logistics, but they don’t get to define their experiences.
Still, the spontaneous moments other families enjoy like spur-of-the-moment dinners, last-minute road trips, carefree vacations don’t come easily for us. There’s always a behind-the-scenes effort that no one sees.
Creating Spontaneity That Isn’t About Food
Food allergies may take away spontaneity, but they don’t take away our creativity.
So instead of chasing the same kind of spontaneity, we’ve learned to create our own:
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Last-minute nature walks or playground adventures
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Surprise family movie nights
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Driving somewhere we’ve never been just to see what’s there
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Trips to the arcade
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Spontaneous acts of kindness or craft projects
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Friday night sleepovers in the living room
These may not seem big, but they make our life feel light, joyful, and a little more free.
A Message to Non-Allergy Families (and the Ones Living It Daily)
If you’re someone who’s never had to think about food like this, we hope this gives you a small window into what it’s like, not to shame or guilt, but to help you understand the invisible layers so many of us are carrying.
And if you’re a food allergy family: I see you. You’re doing the heavy lifting to help your child live fully.
We may have to plan every bite, but we’re still finding ways to say yes to life.
