This past Mother’s Day was one of those rare, heart-filling moments that made me feel truly seen.
My mom hosted a lovely light lunch for me, my mother-in-law, my husband, and our kids. Two weeks before the gathering, she called to ask what I’d like on the menu—knowing that both of my kids have multiple food allergies. I gave her a list of safe foods. She followed up with thoughtful questions about specific brands. I offered to help, of course, and she told me she’d let me know if she needed anything. A week before, I checked in again and got the sweetest reply: “I’ve got everything handled.”
And she did.
When we arrived, there was a buffet spread with fruit salad, apples with Sunbutter, Tostitos with salsa, popcorn, a fresh corn and veggie salad, cheese and crackers, allergy-friendly cookies, and even strawberries and cream. My daughter looked up and said something I’ll never forget:
“This is the first time in my whole life that I can eat everything at a buffet.”
Cue my heart melting into a puddle of gratitude. Thirteen years into this journey, my mom has listened, learned, and shown my kids—through actions, not just words—that she gets it. She understands that cross-contamination is real. That reading labels matters. That her grandkids need to trust their environment, especially in a place that should always feel safe: Grandma’s house.
I told her how much it meant to me. More than once. Because that kind of understanding doesn’t come overnight.
But not everyone has that experience.
I hear stories all the time from clients whose families don’t get it—or won’t. Some say their parents roll their eyes, question the allergy diagnosis, or insist on serving unsafe foods at family meals. Others feel gaslit or dismissed. It’s painful. And while I don’t believe most grandparents, aunts, uncles, or family friends are intentionally putting children at risk, their actions—or inaction—can still do harm.
Sometimes it’s ignorance. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s plain old denial. After all, food allergies weren’t common 40 years ago. It can be hard for older generations to wrap their heads around the idea that a bite of food could cause real harm. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we stop trying.
This is where conversations matter.
When I work with families in this situation, I often suggest a virtual session where we bring everyone together—parents, grandparents, extended family—and talk it through. We go over what food allergies really are, what test results mean, how reactions can occur, and most importantly, how much it means to a parent when someone takes the time to understand.
At the end of the day, no one wants to hurt someone they love. But without knowledge, mistakes happen. With understanding, we can create safer, more inclusive gatherings for everyone.
If you’re navigating a tough situation with extended family and food allergies, you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out and let’s schedule a virtual session to talk things through—together. A little understanding can go a long way in keeping your family safe and connected.
